wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
