Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
