he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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