I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
