mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
