allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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