Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
