Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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