tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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