haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
