marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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