well I can't set my house on fire every night
Too much gin, very little bucket
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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