I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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