I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
