I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
