So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
