and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
