new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if only i could text you this smell
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
