dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
