goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
