You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
