So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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