cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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