got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
