his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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