Your dad touched me again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She even gives head with a lisp.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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