cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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