Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize