It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
