Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
honey bunches of taint.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
