Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
