So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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