I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize