Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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