My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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