I faked an abortion last night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
