Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
