You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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