he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
