I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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