She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
