Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
