drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
