Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
