Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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