im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
