I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
