She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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