are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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