I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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