I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
