he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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