God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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