I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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