which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
