is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
