I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
