a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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