No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
