Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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