I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
