you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
