I hate all girls vehemently.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
