I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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